Dearest Readers,

Mark Twain does not need the help of a Word Profiteer when it comes to moving bound paper. The guy is one of the most celebrated authors in history and even has his own ride at Disneyland (though no one really talks about it because it’s probably the least fun thing to do there). He is also as dead as the eighties. So with these two points in mind you can be sure that this review of THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER is completely unbiased, and yes, absolutely necessary.

It was only recently that I dusted off the cover of this first edition by the late Mr. Twain after finding it under a table. It was propping up my whole collection of vases. Luckily, I have no need for vases. Though very entertaining, this book made me melancholy, for mine was a childhood deprived of such delicious and, dare I say, adventurous tales.

Without giving too much away, Tom Sawyer is a worldly orphan living in a small town with his aunt. Though he has a good heart, Tom is known to get into a bit of trouble on occasion. One night he sneaks out of the house to visit the cemetery with his rough and tumble mate, Huckleberry Finn, where they witness the murder that will have grave consequences on their future fortunes.

Yes’m, there are also many important things to learn from this page turner: how to be a pirate, how to convince your friends to do your chores, how to find a buried treasure, how to survive in the wilderness, how to pick up the ladies. So many great lessons.  How can a story written so long ago feel so modern? And how can I feel like I learned so many things without being bored? What kind of enchanted wordplay is this?

Psst. Kids. Come closer. THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER is one of those books where the dirty details have been long forgotten. Your parents will be so happy that you’re reading a classic they will be utterly clueless to the dangerous ideas inside, he, he, he!

Read it already? Good. Re-read it. Already re-read it? Fine, have some cookies. You deserve it. Now go to bed!

Regards,
M.S.T. Company

(out of five)